Home Improvement Jester Pillows

'The store was out of light bulbs, so I got lite beer instead.'

"Have you been fiddling with the cuckoo clock again, Tony?"

Jack of all trades

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

'I found the termites!'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

I did it my way.

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

A DIY disaster.

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"It's just temporary, until I fix the air conditioner."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Husband bakes a pie

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"Mulch madness"

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

We're putting on a subtraction.