Home Heating Gifts

'Do you notice when it's forty below, people quit kicking the oil companies?'

Electric Blanket.

"OPEC tighten the screws. the Larned A. Corys are ready."

"Getting coal in my stocking is part of my winter energy plan."

"Do you think we're cool dudes - I mean really cool?" "I'm not so cool standing beside this electric fire!"

Heating costs.

'For heaven's sake nan, stop worrying about your gas bill and put the central heating on.'

Propane Shortage

Near Record Cold

"Firewood doesn't grow on trees!"

"What do you mean, 'It's cold, throw another log on the fire'? They don't grow on trees you know!"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Lady of the Cake.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"You do like octopus?"

Domestic Goddess.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'Garfield has told the oil companies to go to hell.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Is that pancake ready yet?

'As a surprise I thought I'd give the new cookbook a try tonight.'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Lockdown casserole

"... Oh, don't worry, I won't 'overcook it'... I hope you like, sushi."

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES