Home Warming Gifts

Higher Mammals open Holiday Cards.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Tartine

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Lady of the Cake.

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

Domestic Goddess.

"You do like octopus?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"I didn't spark joy."

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Biofelineism

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Second hand furniture.

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."