Home Warming Gifts

Higher Mammals open Holiday Cards.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Tartine

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

Lady of the Cake.

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Domestic Goddess.

"You do like octopus?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

The Henderson's move to a vertical city took some getting used to.

"I didn't spark joy."

Biofelineism

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Second hand furniture.

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."