Home-grown Guru Gifts

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'School of hard knocks.'

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Doc, you'll be glad to know I'm comfortable in my own skin today. I shed my old in the reception room."

"Is that you talking or Wikipedia?"

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

"I wish you people would just read the blog."

Doctcom

'Our telephone 'get out the vote' drive reached everyone, unfortunately, they all voted for our opponent.'

"Excuse me, it's my reminder to get a life."

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

"I was solving those same problems when I was your age."

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'It's just that simple. So act now and start barking up the 'right' tree.'

"I think I'll be more relaxed once my secondary sex characteristics kick in."

All-knowing mountain guru consults the internet.

Sign on shed reads 'Gone to seed.'

"Maybe when they're a little older, my son can help yours with his homework."

There's no way you could have attained Nirvana already — you don't even have hemorrhoids yet.

"I'm sorry, Derek, but, now that Kelsey has learned how to convert JPEGs into PDFs, we can't justify keeping you on."

'Okay, I won't call the baby-sitter if you promise to spend the whole evening working on my web site.'

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

'I see your office is as secure as your website.'

'He's beginning to notice girls.'

'Life isn't fair. Just when girls get interesting, they get taller than us.'

'When I said I needed help, this wasn't what I mean. I meant live-in help.'

'I thinkn a 'V-chip' in TV sets for violence is fine but what I'd really like to see is an 'I' chip for inane programming.'

"Today we learn about multitasking, so play on your phones, talk to each other, and listen to me at the same time."

'He said he sent you two tweets this week.'