Old-school Guru Gifts

Gen-Next Library

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

Abacus.

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

"I'd like to make a return."

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

The Club

"Books are tricky. You can't text with a text book and you can't call with a phone book!"

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games might be having an effect on you.'

'Oh darling, it is not an ibook, it is only a book.'

Steampunk

Early Micronesian Casino

High pants/Low pants.

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

"Actually, I'm sitting here reading a book—just to see if I can still do it."

"The only thing I regret about the past is smelling patchouli!"

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

"We don't let computers mess up your medical records. We do it by hand."

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."

"I would rather you not email me your answer!"