Home Cleanup Captain Gifts

Troubles with a vacuum cleaner

Let's get organized

Biofelineism

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

'Yes, I wanted a knight in shining armour, but I didn't know it'd be me doing all the shining!'

"I just dusted off all our books. Apparently, we haven't read a book offline in a long time."

"I'm not just cleaning up - it's part of a conversation I'm having with Mum."

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

'That's my mom... she's sort of a CEO, an action committee, and a janitor all rolled up into one.'

"Marge, did you leave something soaking in the sink again?"

Giant sandwich bags.

"Wet wipe?"

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

'Mom, don't worry about the floor. I took my shoes off!'

"May I tidy up the infield?"

'I try to get this place smelling of cat and she wants it to pong of lemon.'

Is clutter necessary?

"Ah, we meet again, my old nemesis."

"Well, they don't want us in the house anymore and they're frantically cleaning up: I think they're going to sell our home..."

'What are you trying to say, Alan?'

"...yes I just popped in to feed your cat and do a spot of vacuuming!"

"We need one of the smart vacuum cleaners that warn you when the bag is full."

'You suck!'

'I give up! Let's exchange this for an easy-to-clean cage!'

Cat sheds a lot when petted.

'Growing a beard?' - 'Yes, not so much face to wash.'

Spring Rituals

'He's marvellous in the kitchen. every night he does all the washing up and licks my cooker clean.'

"After Thanksgiving dinner, the only thing more stuffed than me is the dishwasher."

"You've probably already guessed, ...I'm the bluebird of sloppiness."