Home Automation Guru Pillows

"This house comes with smart windows. They automatically open when my husband takes his shoes off."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

The Not-So Smart Meter

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

"It's a lot of work, but we've decided to renovate this old factory."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

House for sale - some assembly required.

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

'Well, in the hands of my husbnd it's almost as lethal as a loaded gun.'

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

Spring Cleaning

'Where do you keep the elbow-grease?'

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

Umbrella Roof

'Hmmmm...lower.'

"Everything you need for self-assembly."

"Do screen doors just keep insects out, or other things too?"