Smart Home Guru Pillows

"My computer crashed, and took the TV and the refrigerator with it!"

"Alexa. Just talk to me!..."

"Alexa, you have all the answers, where the devil did I put you?"

"And this smart kitchen gadget coordinates and disciplines all your other smart kitchen gadgets."

"This is our new smart TV. It only switches on for University Challenge."

"I must ask Alexa too many questions. She said she can't answer any more because her throat is sore from talking."

"Alexa... do I pile into Allied Electronics or short United Logistics?"

"My smart speaker's not!"

"I have so many smart appliances talking to each other the wifi has become a party line."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

The Not-So Smart Meter

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

"You are still here."

"I discovered our home can be programmed to spit out any unnecessary clutter."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

"For the last time...I'm Alexa, not Siri! Get it right, moron!"

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"Our smart home sure is sensitive. Every time I hammer a nail in the wall it screams."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'