Smart Home Expert Pillows

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"When they said the Internet of things we have our appliances talking to each other I didn't think this is what they meant!"

I just realized how vulnerable I am to people who could hack my phone, my self-driving car, my tv, my garage door opener … So I bought a device called "Trojan Horse: that's supposed to protect me from all that. It connects to my wifi router. It monitors all my web traffic, all my connected devices, and ... well, I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to keep the hackers out somehow. What did you say the device is called again? Now I don't worry about anyone hacking my toaster.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

The Not-So Smart Meter

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"I think you put too much healthy food in our smart refrigerator. It's about to spit it all out."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"Between you, Alexa, and Siri, I'm just in a house surrounded by women who think they know everything."

"You are still here."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

"For the last time...I'm Alexa, not Siri! Get it right, moron!"

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Our smart home sure is sensitive. Every time I hammer a nail in the wall it screams."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

"Hey Google, describe the view."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'Say - according to our home computer, we're out of bread.'

"Officer, someone hacked my bluetooth pressure cooker and blew my kitchen apart! What can I do?"

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"I'm a home-tech specialist. Your daughter called us. I'm here to convert her doll house into a smart doll house."

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

"I hate this smart refrigerator."