Home Alone Humorists Gifts

'Oh no, they're back!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Happy Brithday

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

Carpet Cows

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!