Holy Flapper Fan Gifts

"Last week, the orioles were passing out Baltimore catechisms. This week, it's the cardinals doing baptisms."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

Swing dancers.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"

'The only way anyone gets in is on there knees.'

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

"Closed until further notice."

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

"OK people, this one's for the blooper reel, so let's blow it out there."

"Who did you think has been drawing you all this time?"

Charleston dance.

Football Angel

"Okay, okay - I'll keep my day job!"

"Ugh, it rings every time an angel gets his wings - how do I put it in silent mode?"

"Do they make my feet look big?"

Ginger was born to dance.

Today on the Ask Sadie Show, we'll be addressing one single topic: Donald Trump's Inauguration. Specifically, we'll talk about how most of the big starts asked to perform for him refused to do it. We'll also be talking about how yours truly won the blue ribbon at the 1928 Jr. Miss Flapper competition at the "And How!" speakeasy for my rendition of "Bug-Eyed Betty is the Bees Knees." Trump called me, but I refused to perform too. But I gave him the third runner-up's contact info. Trump, Bessie Ma

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

A leap of faith.

'You've all been whining a lot lately, so this week's sermon is from the 'Book of Lamentations'....'

"That's one thing you can't get up here, a good hot curry."

"They said you can't take it with you. . . and you believed them?"

And on the seventh day He rested