Holly Jolly Critic Pillows

Ice Skater

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

Moby Dick the Demi Moore Version

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

Mall Santa's Anonymous: 'Holidays are always the hardest - especially Christmas.'

"Call my attorney and say that I killed Ted in self-defense. Call my publicist and say that I wish Ted the best of luck in all his future endeavors."

"So, Mr. Claus, there IS a Virginia!"

"What you ain't - is A GENT!"

Santa saying to shrink - "I don't believe in myself."

'Every year I say, 'Just a little of the top' but they never listen.'

"You forgot his tail."

"Our house wine is abominable."

"Lately I've had uncontrollable cravings for venison.

Two kids caught playing dots & boxes on a Damien Hirst painting, spelling the word 'so-so'.

"Comfortable?"

'You're in luck. It comes in Large, Extra Large and Bowl Full Of Jelly.'

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

"According to one of the reviews on Trip Adviser the beds aren't very good."

"Santa gets away with it because it shakes like a bowl full of jelly, not beer."

"Open wide and say, Fa La La Ahhh."

"It's been 300 years. I think I'm read to retire."

Help Support Santa Off-Season

Deck the Halls!

"Weinstein left Tinseltown, its hills decked with his final message to the Democrats."