Holly Jolly Humorist Pillows

"Lately I've had uncontrollable cravings for venison.

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Ice Skater

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Brad Pitt.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

Jennifer Lawrence

"Maybe this year..."

Snowman throws snowball at Santa.

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

Mall Santa's Anonymous: 'Holidays are always the hardest - especially Christmas.'

'Actually I have just one bee at the moment...'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

"Hey, I'm a big fan of your work. I loved you in Godzilla!"

Hollywood in tiny glimpses

C is for Cracker

Ben Stiller

Bob tries to cash in on Hollywood's success.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

Easter Island heads bunny ears.

'You can't borrow the sleigh tonight- it's Christmas Eve!'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

A man seeking truth encounters a clown.

'Okay, cough.'