Holiday Themes Gifts

When I was a child I got a Christmas card saying I had a Secret Santa. But instead of getting presents, terrible things started happening to me. Then I got a second card saying there was a typo in the first card. It should have read "Secret Satan."

"I don't get stock options and the hours are terrible. But there's a chocolate river. So that's sick."

"Y' know Sir - Red really is your colour..."

"That better be a candy cane in your pocket, buster!"

Santa and a Robber

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Christmas Tree

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"Ninja bread men"

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tourists and their Pets.

'Never mind that. I think I've just discovered a new planet!'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

'How very Cumbria.'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."