Holiday Songs Gifts

'If you're thinking of getting me any of those gifts...'

The worlds Longest Rendition of 'Joy To The World'.

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Night of the Latkes

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

"Ninja bread men"

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

Tourists and their Pets.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

'Never mind that. I think I've just discovered a new planet!'

'How very Cumbria.'

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

Non-Denominational Carols

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'Now it fits.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

'I told you that letting him have a pet would cause a problem at migration time...'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'