Holiday Banter Lover Pillows

'Oi! Are you looking at my four calling birds?'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

Elfie Stick

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Try me/try me/try me...

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Evil elves trying to take advantage of Christmas tree fairies.

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

"How could we be short? You had enough chocolate for everyone on our list!"

"I think I preferred it before he became an equal-opportunity employer."

"I could get used to working remotely."

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

"We can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way ..."

'He's got your nose.'

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

"All it will do is move crime to the South Pole."

"Then you just run a VLOOKUP against the Naughty column."

'Let's skip Mr. Arnold's house. He's the dog catcher.'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

Santa's Helpers

"I noticed a few browns."

You Will Have a Merry Christmas. . . Resistance is Futile.

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

'One of my relatives is coming to Thanksgiving dinner...and one of yours.'

"I've made a terrible mistake."