Hole-in-one Humorists Pillows

I hear he discovered petroleum in his backyard! Yeah, and he took an oily retirement!

Grimm's Reality Tales.

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

"Wow! That's an amazing welding project!"

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

Golfers lost on the road

"I like a diet rich in surfers."

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'Grown-ups sure make playing a lot of work.'

'You've lost it Dad - It's gone into that little hole with the flag in it.'

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

'Oh no, they're back!'

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

"Well, they did say half-board."

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

When Pyromaniacs Buy A Home: 'This is a great starter home.'

"Just take the crowd out of it. Imagine everyone is naked."

'Wow, that's great! The house rules say pets ain't allowed here!'

Dying your hair red at home

Artist's model for a painting of Hamlet turns up to the studio with a black eye

'Drat, another hole-in-one. Pity really - I was looking forward to some putting practice.'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

Turkey Hotline

Slippery hand golfer

"I'm sorry, but your last still life said you were constantly fidgeting, texting and sighing loudly!"

"What are you lookin' at? Never seen a routine fire drill before?"

'And your job is?' - 'Putting the holes in the donuts.'

'I hit my thumb with a hammer.' - 'Well, it wouldn't happen if you hold the hammer with both hands.'

Spot the ballcock

'Where's the ball? Where's the BALL!?'

Tide-l Wave.