Hold Music Hater Pillows

'For the wrong department: Press one. . . for a patronizing excuse: Press two. . .'

Thank you for holding

To hear Muzak while on hold, press "1." T have a spike driven into your ear, press "2." To end this call, press "3." To end your life, press "4."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

At the rock concert...

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

A man and a woman discussing the skill of the pianist.

'Nobody pays for music anymore.'

"I miss diving into a mosh pit."

Musical Note Nail

"Singing makes me self-conscious."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"This next song is for all you a cappella lovers. No strings attached."

Around the piano

A rock guitarist singing

Confucius say: shut up.

"This next song kinda stinks. I hope you like it."

Dayme Arocena

"Thank you. That one came directly from the heart."

Woody Shaw

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

"It's the new church organ."

"I love what you've done with this corner of the room!"

Jazz Bar.

"This next one's for anyone feeling a little lonely right now, namely, me."

"I have a CD available with all proceeds helping to alleviate suffering in the jazz world."

Live Elevator Music 3-7:30.

A saxophonist

Rapper's baggy trousers fall down on stage.

'It's a new federal safety regulation. We have to slide a mattress behind you before we hand you your bill.'

"We'd like to begin by boarding all passengers who feel impatient."

Pianist wearing face mask.

'Don't say anything!'