Hold Music Critics Pillows

Please continue to hold. Your call is important to us. But your time isn't.

No Elgar!

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

A singer being criticised

'What have you got in the way of an imported red that has a label that doesn't look like my cat drew it?'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

Focus Groupies

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

Smashed harp...

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

Young Simon Cowell

The critic as band leader

"Who ever told you you could sing?"

"Anybody else want to tell this singin' cowboy he sounds a mite pitchy?"

"They're meant to be crap, right?"

Legends of Hold Music