Hold Music Critic Pillows

Our menu has changed. To hear this message again, press 1. To hang up, press 2.

"Your call is important to us. Please hold for hours, howl obscenities, punch a hole in the wall and hang up."

"Please stay on the line, your call is important to us... imagine how we'd treat you if it weren't."

"Press 8 to be put on hold for what seems like forever...press 9 to phone back tomorrow."

"Press 3 and hear something that will really get up your nose"

'We need to change our on-hold music to something besides harps, Ms. Sims.'

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

No Elgar!

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

Focus Groupies

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

Smashed harp...

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

The critic as band leader

"Hell, as Jean-Paul Sartre once said, is other peoples' inheritance tracks."

the world's first music critic...

"Who ever told you you could sing?"

"Anybody else want to tell this singin' cowboy he sounds a mite pitchy?"