History Jester Gifts

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Dog walking Human.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

All-Candy Seder.

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

Books / Coffee table books

Pandora's Change Purse...

Richard the Turd

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

Thomas Carlyle

'Two, four, six, eight Who do we appreciate ,,,'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Dept. de Philosophie

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'