History And Humor Aficionado Gifts

Trojan horse with a satellite dish.

"We're following Carrot Top."

"You're on a what?!"

When laundry ruled the waves.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Yes, all at once!'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

Early on-line shopping

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Bonk!"

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

PHARMACY, 'Tell Hippocrates to write his prescriptions in Greek -- I can't read Babylonian!'

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

'Do you know what's worse than being a mummy? Being a mummy with prostate!'

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

The Algonquin Round Table

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'We know it's good...we had an excellent ghost writer.'

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

"C'mon. Just one more round of funding and I'll build you a horde that'll knock your socks off."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'