Historical Gourmet T-Shirts

"Who gets what?"

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The Main Types of Cheese

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

His Her Cakes

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

French wine

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Too much cilantro

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"