Gourmet Historian T-Shirts

'There - a cookbook.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Grandma's caf

'I was in the catering corps.'

Crossing the Nachos Grande

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

The Velvet Mesquite

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Haute Chinese

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

Join me for dinner?

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

Avocado Timeline

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

I Heart Dinosaurs Chef

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

I don

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

'It appears to be a kosher for Passover recipe.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."