Historic West Gifts

"Yes, I have a home where the buffaloroam. Are you in the market?"

Billy. The Kid.

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"I broncobust and I Dust-Bust. You got a problem with that?"

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

The modern sheriff.

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"Watch yourself Sheriff....Looks like Billy the Kid is back in town!"

"Trepanning for gold"

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

What Are These?

Reality Wagon Train

'Yesterday he was a kingpin, but today he's just a lynchpin.'

Custer's Last Rollo

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

Deadwood 25 miles

The corona ranger

Jesse wished the kids would just get it over with and guess all the wrong letters in his name.

"I'm sleeping in today. I got in late from last night's orgy."

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

TV Guide: Cowboy Cowboys.

'I must warn you, I'm the fastest gun west of the Rie Grande.' 'WOW! Unfortunately, we're five miles east of the Rio Grande.'

"This cream puff was owned by a little old lady who only settled on Sundays."

"Yeah, you can drawl the drawl, but can you mosey the mosey?"

'Dewey is a cowboy's cowboy!'

"Just a minute - I'm uploading."

Everyone agreed big Jake was slow on the draw..But effective.

'There's something about that Indian scout I don't trust.'

"Barkeep, gimme a shot of your finest whiskey." "Not so fast there, partner." "Oh, sorry. A... sh... ot... of... yo... ur... fin... est... whis... key...."

'They want to know if they can have their arrows back.'

'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'