Hipster Parent T-Shirts

"I'll trade you my soy milk for your wheatgrass juice."

"Okay, Jaxcsunn, stay still in the crystal circle while I douse you in essential oils."

Wifi in Hell

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Joined at the hipster.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Old rocker.

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Spontaneous Kombucha

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

The Organic

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"