Higher Education Watchdog Pillows

"Ok, give it to me straight. How big of a donation is required for an honorary PhD?"

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Continuing education.

Interdisciplinary studies.

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

CIA report

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Florida Governor, Rick Scott, cuts funding for rape victims.

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

A Little Extra

Billions for Terrorists, No Tribute to Americans

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

Studied the Constitution. Didn't like it.

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Police Statetion

Football team discussions.

Was the Illuminati - now the Illuminasty

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Bush farewell.

Legalish

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)