Ethical Watchdog Pillows

'Under disclosure rules, I'm required to tell you I own stock in the company whose

'To slash costs, I suggest that we hire third-world labour, and limit management bonuses to six figures.'

Pure Research, Somewhat Sullied Research, and Totally Craven, Profit-Driven Research.

"Someday, son, all my campaign funds will be yours."

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"I admit I fabricated data, but I didn't falsify any, and I didn't plagiarize."

'The way I see it, if you don't have a conflict of interest, you're probably not doing your job.'

Nortel Networks goes after executives to repay bonuses.

"An advertising person's advertising person. If we have to demean women to sell the product, she'll demean women."

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

"Honey! Our party appointed me to be the the top candidate because I'm the most unethical dirtbag who knows the worst swearwords!"

'Uh-oh!' (Accounting department's noses have grown.)

CONGRESS, 'You know, we wouldn't need a pay hike if we got commissions on our appropriations.'

'Well congressman, your scruples test came back negative.'

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

The Panama Effect

Alas, an accounting scandal has hit this bank - All customers will be charged $37 for this.

"You company's goodwill is offset by fines paid for misleading investors."

"Red pins indicate the President's financial interests."

"Peggy, can we find someone to misuse a few of these campaign funds for a run to the deli to get us some lunch?"

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

CIA report

Florida Governor, Rick Scott, cuts funding for rape victims.

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

Billions for Terrorists, No Tribute to Americans

Studied the Constitution. Didn't like it.

A Little Extra

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

'To paraphrase Franklin Delano Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is the NSA, FBI, CIA, DEA, IRS, DIA, EPA, FTC, FCC...'

Police Statetion