Higher Education Navigator Gifts

'I'm enrolling in an online course to learn how to apply for a loan for an online university.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

Continuing education.

Interdisciplinary studies.

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

"Three more years of high school."

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

Between Offices

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"So the secret to getting good grades is to study hard...seems a little extreme!"

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'vocabulary'?'

"Of course you'll study Latin. How else will you learn the names of your dinosaur friends."

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

Fuzzy Math.