Academic Life Navigator Gifts

'I'm in a molting period. I'm shedding all my French philosophers.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Continuing education.

"Three more years of high school."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Between Offices

Better times ahead.

"It says here that if you read stuff on an electronic device you can miss the big picture."

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

"It's going to be one of those days."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

'I was speeding right along toward my goal of moving up from middle management, when a cost-cutting measure overtook me!'

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

Financial Services For Lawyers...Beginner's Class...

Midlife: You Are Here.

'If you are here, you'll be late for gym class."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Doubt or Certainy

"I owe my success to always being the lesser of two evils."

'Everybody's grades are down, Dad -- I think the school's having some kind of austerity program.'

'I received matching offers.'

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"