High-stakes Meeting Survivor Gifts

Lethal Presentation

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

Unsuccessful board meeting.

Meeting not going well?"

'Your job description is fairly simple: Stay in your cubicle and try not to make things worse.'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

violence in workplace

"Hold your questions until I've talked so long no one knows or cares what you're asking about."

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

There's a real disconnect going on here.

'Don't go too far out on a limb - he'll send you to a branch office.'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"It's hard to manage a staff meeting in a company whose employees all have laser pointers."

The Department of Lessons Learned...