High Society Humor Researcher Gifts

"Don't forget the spaghetti dinner at Sparolini's after the show."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

'This is getting to be too much for me. I'm thinking of becoming a middlebrow.'

"Today I found out a teacher can call on you even if you have location services turned off."

"He said 'Sumer is icumen in Lhude sing cuccu!' Why do you ask?"

"Stan is one of our great, widely unread literary treasures."

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

'Today I have dumbed-down philosophy, followed by dumbed-down chemistry and dumbed-down English lit.'

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

"Check it out, guys. Finally got my wine legs!"

'Ever since she has found out that she is related to one of the Queen's corgis she has been unbearable.'

'OK, who's that at the back not clowning around?'

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

I'm no good at small talk

A scathing stream of invective, wending its way, inevitably, to the sea.

'Hugo has short term memory loss but we've chosen to ignore it!'

"This leads to the actual library."

"Hi, do you have a moment to discuss annoying people who stop you in the street?"

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

"Marilyn Johnson does so like me! She's even got a pet name for me...she calls me a dweeb!"

"Even though it's an honorary degree, we have to bill you for 4 years of tuition."

Amongst the Culturati II.

'This qualifies you to make educated guesses.'