High School Play Audition Gifts

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

'They all want to play the star.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

Come on! They're posting the spring musical. I can't wait! I want a romantic part! With and elegant gown. Good luck with that! We're doing "Cats."

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"Which part are you reading for?"

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"You've been offered a role as a husband who's been married for thirty years."

Casting Director

Ventriloquist Audition

"First let me say that your father and I really, really wanted to like your performance."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'Billy Green you know very well that you stand this end!'

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

She's a natural.

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

"This is a blind audition, right?"

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.