High School Play Audition Gifts

'They all want to play the star.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

'I was an egg in the Easter play.'

"Which part are you reading for?"

"I take it you got the lead in the school play."

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

'They're only interested in computer generated mammoths.' (Theatrical Agent).

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

Presenter Auditions.

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

X Factor contestant dressed as a 'Y'.

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

"Sorry, dude. . . but you just don't fit into our group!"

Ventriloquist Audition

Casting Director

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"First let me say that your father and I really, really wanted to like your performance."

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

'Billy Green you know very well that you stand this end!'

"Remember, you're a 17-year old fashion model. Now go out and act like you've never acted before."

'Congratulations. All but one of you has been short listed.'

"This is a blind audition, right?"

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

She's a natural.

"This isn't his audition...he's telling us about being an actor."

"This could be fun! Don't you do magic tricks, Cruz?"

Graham really wanted to play Joseph, but deep down he knew what part he'd get again.

Angry Joseph in school nativity play says to Innkeeper: 'No, we did not book online.'