High School Alumni Gifts

"It does seem like a school-approved activity."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

Department of Nanotechnology

"How was prom?"

'Why not take some time off after high school...travel a bit...get a job...make some money...pay your own way through college.'

'Where Are They Now?'

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'The Prom Dress: One Week Later'

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

"Well, team, we've been officially disqualified. You can come out of there, Tyler."

Next semester I have "The Frito-lay

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

High School

Original punks go to reunion

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

You can tell which seniors got accepted early admission! West Fester High School.

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

"Have you given any thought at all about where you might like to accrue your student loan debt?"

"Thank you for your service."

"My dad's been on my case...he says I should be preparing for my future career. But what kind of training can I get here for a job that's tough, will make tons of money and highlight my incredible bod?"

Here's the college for me! It's totally green. Let's see. I though you wanted warm weather. Look at the brochure. There's no snow in any of the pictures. The school is in Minnesota. Wow! Early signs of global warming. Who knew it hit college brochures first?

"Dad, when I leave high school, I want to get a job and help support the family."