High-profile Interview Gifts

'Come on, you awful, bloody lot! I need one volunteer for the Charles interview.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'Cat job interviews.'

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Bad Interview Technique

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

Presenter Auditions.

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"