High-flyer Humorist Gifts

"It's the part about 60 take-offs and 54 landings that worries us."

'Co-pilot to pilot - I've located why the plane is out of balance.'

For Sale: Red Arrow

Pilot with champagne.

'Flight simulator'

Private Jet

"It's my helper trout!"

"We are now boarding priority travellers. Please be ready to present an air of entitlement."

Missing you.

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

Do you mind if I mix a little business with pleasure and have a brief conversation with the waiter about the fly in my soup?

'Could you throw me the car keys?'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I told you there's no 11th flooooor!"

'You shouldn't have forgotten the flag!'

'Shall I box up the shoes, or does your son want to fly them home?'

"We'll begin boarding our first-class passengers after a ten-minute pause in honor of the even wealthier people who fly in private jets."

'Come on! You only live once!'

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'The stock market closed early today due to an outbreak of 'altitude sickness'.'

Skydive

Flying carpets.

Trapeze artists.

The only thing I have to offer is my own confusion."

"O.K., Mr. Spinelli, you're up. Now bank her to the right, and I'll talk you back in for a nice smooth landing."

'Hi, I'm a sky marshall, you?'

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"