Hey Day Trader Gifts

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Likes: $2.

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

Day trading.

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

'Superstock'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Chinese stock market

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'Now that we've moved to Hawaii, I can start trading at 3:30 a.m.--Isn't that great?'

Out of control

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Shares Nosedive

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'Doesn't bother me. All my money is in carbon-cleanup technologies.'

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

'Will broker deals for food'

'I know about the birds and the bees. Can you tell me about making a bundle trading derivatives?'