Hermit Crab Enthusiast Gifts

"Are you willing to relocate?"

Desert Island Meals.

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Crab with a clown face.

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

Hermit Crabapple Tree

"Yes, I'm alone."

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

How Relaxing It Is To Go To The Beach. . . How Close You Live To The Beach.

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

OM, SWEET OM

Bearded old man atop mountain.

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"The meaning of life! Have you tried Googling it?"

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

"Free why-fi.”

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

"Do you think solitude drives you insane?"

"Do you see the person who stole your home from you in the courtroom today?"

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'Oh, he's pretty wise -- I clerked for him.'

Woman meets up with guru: 'Oh, there you are, honey. Dinner's getting cold.'

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Buy one enlightenment get one free.

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

"Why would YOU want to know the meaning of life?"

'Because Elvis is FULL of philosophical insights.'

'One of us will tell you how to achieve peace and harmony just as soon as we settle who called dibs on this ledge.'

'Enlightenment does that to some people.'

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'