Heritage Fund Manager Gifts

'Forget what?'

The day the stock market went UP.

The president's men

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

The Contrarian funds

'Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away.'

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

Man leaving 'Wall St, closed-end mutual funds' building with hand full of money.

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

'I'm sorry, Collin, but our Dreyfus Mid-Cap fund completely tanked, so we're going to have to let you go.'

"Someday, son, all this will be yours. It'll be under water, but still ..."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

"I asked you to send me over a prospectus!"

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

"Don't you sometimes worry that if they do give us our stuff back we'll lose some of the sense of grievance that's so crucial to our cultural identity?"

Baby car seat for a Native American.

Alderman shocked at a proposal to pull down Temple Bar

Scot country dancing,

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

The New Square Mile Regulator.

Architects and Engineers - Restoration of old Buildings.

'Last money market for 8 blocks'

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

Title page from 'The Scouring of the White Horse'.

'Our mutual fund management changed the name of the fund to clearly communicate their investment objectives. The fund is now called 'Make Money Anyway We Can'.'

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'