Herbal Hero Gifts

'Dear BBC, I am writing to complain about your show with the misleading title of Grow Your Own Drugs ...'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

Medicinal plants

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

'A large Swiss Pharmaceuticals company has expressed serious interest in my potion.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm picking up a few things at my pharmacy."

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'What do you mean the FDA is going to start regulating the use of eyes of Newts?'

'I'm taking you off the herbal tea.'

"Oh god, here she comes again, insisting she's helping."

'Today's lecture is on Herbology... so without furthe ado, let me introduce Herb!'

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

Natural Medicines

'It appears to be a side effect of the herbal eye drops you're using.'

'It appears to be a side effect of the herbal tea you're drinking.'

"Lay off the natural remedies. You're beginning to ferment."

Alternative medicine

"You should have called your stall 'Thyme Is A Healer'."

'Great job! -- I'll go gather some herbs.'

"Here, let me put some ointment on your bug bite. I made it myself from cayenne powder, licorice root and mugwort leaves blended with that vanilla pudding I made last week. Hmm...it's not here."

'Tomato Surprise. Bean Surprise. Carrot Surprise. Why are you always so surprised when my garden produces?'

"If you ask me, your Christmas gift return policy is too liberal."

"I'm hoping for herb immunity."

"I'm looking for some sage advice."

Omelette aux grosses herbes

'Hmmm, the future doesn't look too good: I see you ending up in Chinese medicine...'

"What's the big deal? All these politicians talk about a health care plan! I have a health care plan!"