Helpline Navigators Gifts

'For normal frustrating service...press 1. If you have all day...'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'The path to becoming an astronaut is rougher than I thought.'

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"Ya, right. Who needs a web presence. I'll just compete in the global economy from here."

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

"You don't use a search engine for an Easter egg hunt."

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Homeless count.

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

"I see you've arranged your life and business so that you can deduct everything. Do you know the penalty for 'trying to beat the system'?"

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

What passes today for 'nose in a book'.

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"Oh shut up."

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"Those are my unfinished connect-the-dots which I plan on finishing when I learn how to count past 10."

Pete's trying to groom himself"

"And would you like to continue paying no taxes at the 15, 10 or 20% rate?"

US Economy Boat.

Your lips still say "No," but you started out with six exclamation points above your head and now you're down to one. !

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

Low rates!

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'Hello?...Customer service?...Uhhh...How do you open the box?'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'185,496 views already! Late to the party. Again.'

"Dad, how often have I told you there's no point in trying to start an argument with the sat-nav?"