Helpline Navigators Pillows

'For normal frustrating service...press 1. If you have all day...'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'The path to becoming an astronaut is rougher than I thought.'

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"It's not just him. The whole system's down."

"Ya, right. Who needs a web presence. I'll just compete in the global economy from here."

'You know, you can do this all online now.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

"You don't use a search engine for an Easter egg hunt."

Homeless count.

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"I see you've arranged your life and business so that you can deduct everything. Do you know the penalty for 'trying to beat the system'?"

"You had the persistence to wind your way through our labyrinthian phone system to ask for an interview...you're hired!"

'It's a guess. I never said it was an educated guess.'

What passes today for 'nose in a book'.

"Oh shut up."

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

"Those are my unfinished connect-the-dots which I plan on finishing when I learn how to count past 10."

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

US Economy Boat.

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

Pete's trying to groom himself"

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

Low rates!

'Hello?...Customer service?...Uhhh...How do you open the box?'

"And would you like to continue paying no taxes at the 15, 10 or 20% rate?"

Pick a direction.