Helpless Cook Pillows

"Hello..? is that the 'burnt soup hotline..?'"

LAY ZEE FUK

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Boys Cooking

"Fridge-to-table"

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

It's just a self-cleaning oven, Ernie --- You can't do dishes in it.

'Holiday insanity helpline.'

'..or do you think we should go with this one?'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"Cousin Magdalena likes pushing Tia Carmen's buttons, doesn't she?"

'Sounds way too complicated, let's phone for a take away.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"Are there any security cameras in the basement?"

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

Ainsley Harriott: "..Then add the nuts!"

"No wonder my mouse wasn't working. I've been using the biscuit from dinner."

"You're the only man I know who can clean a filthy cooker with two slices of bread."

"I followed the recipe and this is where it led me."

Recipes from The I-Seriously-Don't-Care Cookbook.

Pre-emptive strike against brussels sprouts.

'Today I discover fire, tonight she burns dinner.'

'Dinner is ruined. I brought too many diet's home from the office again.'

'Do you mind popping back in, to rescue the Sunday joint?'

"No, there isn't much of a plot. There never is in a microwave."

'Will open jars for food.'

Some especially annoying types of packaging.

'Most accidents happen in the home... and the men usually have to eat them!'