Frustrated Chef Pillows

Some especially annoying types of packaging.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

How to correctly estimate cooking time

Onion Tears

Cuckoo has got halfway through it's call and then had an arrow shot at it.

'No it's still not fixed'

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

Self-Assembly Bookcase

"Dude—you're ruining my face—and when are you painting my hands—my ear is itchy—also you stink—hurry up!"

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

"Hello... is that the help desk?"

"She can't take any constructive criticism."

'I think I should take my hubby for counselling. . . his brain and hands aren't on talking terms.'

I feel like I'm starting to hate everyone, doc. Dr. Noodle. I hate the stranger who shook his head in disgust at me when he saw I was in an interracial relationship. I hate the lady who cut me off in traffic and almost ran me off the road this morning. I hate the dentist who convinced me I needed a $350 mouth guard when I could've bought one just as good for $25 at Target. I hate the girl scout who sold me six disgusting boxes of ten-year-old Samoa cookies. That's ... ten? I hate myself for not

'She leaves before I finish her portrait.'

A military officer daydreams

'You heard! There's no way I'm cooking for you!'

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

Man coming home and kicking cat, wife asks 'Had a good match dear?'

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

'Regardez - even le grand Escoffier cries quand il slices les onions.'

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

"I followed the recipe and this is where it led me."

"Oh man. Tia Carmen's making that soup with all those weird vegetables."

Sushi Spinoffs

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

'I'm afraid I'll have to close you down. Your kitchen is infested with greenfly.'

After standing on the scales Claire decided to stamp on the diet book.

"The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly."

"You're the only man I know who can clean a filthy cooker with two slices of bread."

Miserable selfie

"This year WE EAT LIKE WOLVES."

"I'm spending too much money on food. But what can I do? The kids won't eat anything else."