Helpless Cook Mugs

"Hello..? is that the 'burnt soup hotline..?'"

LAY ZEE FUK

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Boys Cooking

"Fridge-to-table"

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

'I could beat these eggs a lot easier if it weren't for all the shells.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Holiday insanity helpline.'

"Cousin Magdalena likes pushing Tia Carmen's buttons, doesn't she?"

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

'..or do you think we should go with this one?'

'Sounds way too complicated, let's phone for a take away.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"You're the only man I know who can clean a filthy cooker with two slices of bread."

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

Recipes from The I-Seriously-Don't-Care Cookbook.

Ainsley Harriott: "..Then add the nuts!"

"No wonder my mouse wasn't working. I've been using the biscuit from dinner."

"Are there any security cameras in the basement?"

Pre-emptive strike against brussels sprouts.

'Today I discover fire, tonight she burns dinner.'

"No, there isn't much of a plot. There never is in a microwave."

'Dinner is ruined. I brought too many diet's home from the office again.'

'Do you mind popping back in, to rescue the Sunday joint?'

'Will open jars for food.'

Some especially annoying types of packaging.

"Baldo, tell me when my soup boils over."

'Most accidents happen in the home... and the men usually have to eat them!'