Heist Humorists T-Shirts

"O.K., one last big rhubarb score. But then I'm out of the pie game for good."

"Dammit, Trevor! Just say 'Please' so we can get outta here!"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"I started to think outside the box. Then I started to think outside the law."

The Mafia Goes Green.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

'I'm here due to an identity theft.'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

Early Ram Raids

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'With every 'Ying' there's a 'Yang'!'

Bank (with saloon type doors)

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"Keep it running."

'Hello, Mum!'

Valentines for Real Estate

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

"THIS IS A HOLD UP!"

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"Oh, and a five and five ones."

Night Deposits.

Cuffwear, 2004

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'