Heavy Lifting Humorist Gifts

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

Bench Press Accident

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Carrot in front of the donkey workout.

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

"Still on your left."

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

'Fred, didn't I tell you to wear a helmet?'

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

'Why are jogging on the spot?'

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'