Heavenly Delights Gifts

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Local News in Heaven

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

Shoe repair

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St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

Devilled Eggs

Nectar of the Gods Dispenser.

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

Jesus swept.

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"The last thing I remember is hearing the doctor say oops!"

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

Keyboard in Heaven

'You'll have to wait a couple of minutes... we're still downloading information from your soul's black box recorder.'

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

"Who'd have thought it? It turns out you can take it with you when you die."

"No, your body is actually alive and well back on earth - your mind has just arrived at the gates of blissful dementia."

Paradise: Collection of wine

New arrival in Heaven sees a Manna vending machine.

Angel learning to fly...

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"Father Fondell. . . your confessional is ready."

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"It's how I get someone's attention."

'In your defense, I see you're not very bright. Most folks take the elevator.'

The Cheese God

Arnold had not been much of a saint in his life and now he paid the price.

'I'm still pretty unwell, I'm not sure if I'll be in the office tomorrow.'

"I always forget how nice it is to leave heaven."

Devil cello