Heaven Quip Seekers Gifts

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"Well if it isn't Mr J.R.Hartley!"

'I'm new here...how can you tell the real 'Elvis' from the impersonators?'

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."

We never fly anywhere anymore.

"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."

"Is it just me, or is it humid up here?"

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

"Are you sure that this is really the way? I thought there was a staircase or highway?" "Maybe we should just go back down and pray!"

"Attendance is way down. He's just trying to jazz up the place..."

"Glad to see you Hotchkins... Abernathy must have been the company embezzler!"

'One nice thing about this, it has overcome my fear of height.'

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

'You may choose either everlasting life or whatever is behind the curtain.'

"To play it safe, I still take one aspirin every other day."

'I'm afraid we already have a St. Bernard up here.'

God working clay on a potters wheel creating a vase with a person's arms and legs sticking out.

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'Relax, you are in doggy heaven. I'm just from a temp service.'

'Second fastest gun in the west.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

Valuation of Heaven

Gods has caged angel as pet.

'That's one hell of a lawyer.'

Heavenly Take Out

Supply was out of harps.

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete