Heaven Or Hell Debaters Gifts

"I'm not sure how to tell which of the 48 Smiths killed on the bus headed to the 'I can't believe we're all named Smith' reunion are going to heaven or hell."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

Changing Minds

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

'How come I always get the shoulder with the parrot?'

"This'll show the Theology Department."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

"I stand corrected..."

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

Heaven and Hell

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

Actual Results May Vary

The end is near. The end is nearish. I get this way every spring.

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

Liberals Ignore Science Too

Blasphemer! Ignoramus. HOJ. Your anti-religious rants will lead to the breakdown of morality. The divine is our source of civilization and humanity. It's what separates us from lowly animals. That and our ability to turn worthless jungle into condos. You're playing dirty now, hairless one.

Basic Theology

'It was a split decision.'

"Says WHO?"

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."